In ________ We Trust

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. 

We all know this and other malapropisms from the lovable Yogi Berra.  But maybe he’s onto something with this one.  If you’ve been reading my sporadic blogs, then you know that I’ve been wandering down long, twisting paths over the last few years, perhaps even walking in complete circles.  (NOTE: This isn’t going to be an entry where I sit and complain – because to be honest, I’m really sick of that side of me.) When you are faced with a fork in the road, what guides you? Faith? Logic? Intuition? Hopefully, all three.

We make hundreds of decisions every day, from the little banalities of our daily routine (“I’ll have turkey and swiss on wheat bread”) to the more important choices we face at work or at home.  But what about the other ones – the impulse to take a different route to work, or to strike up a conversation with a friendly face behind the counter?  The impact may not be felt, but who knows if it may resonate elsewhere? For me, thinking about this is like gazing up at the stars – if you look too closely, you run the risk of being overwhelmed. Having recently finished reading The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder, there is a quote that seems appropriate right here. "Either we live by accident and die by accident, or we live by plan and die by plan. Some say that we shall never know and that to the gods we are like the flies that boys kill on a summer day, and some say, on the contrary, that the very sparrows do not lose a feather that has not been brushed away by the finger of God."

As if that isn’t enough to swallow, what about the monumental decisions with which we must occasionally grapple? How do you handle it?  Are you a list-maker or chart-creator? Do you talk it out with your loved ones,, have a heartfelt conversation with God, or do you wrestle with all possible outcomes inside your own head? Maybe you are none of these, maybe you just logically weigh the pros and cons and your answer is wrapped up in a neat little package.  If that’s you, then I am highly suspicious and supremely jealous of your overly logical nature. ;)

In all honesty, I am at this weird, delicate point in my life where past decisions have had pretty awful outcomes and forgiving myself for making the mistakes is easier than believing I won’t make another one.   Think of a situation when your trust in someone falters and the only way back is to slowly rebuild it over time. What if that someone breaks your trust repeatedly and it’s irrevocably damaged? And the weirdest question of all, what if the person who broke your trust is… well, you?

You can see the stickiness of the situation, when the person you need to learn to believe in again is yourself.  I may soon be faced with a job offer that seems promising.  While it is not everything I’d dreamed it would be, there are certainly more pros than cons, and I’ve been out of work for almost six months.  My instinct says “TAKE THE JOB, DUMMY!” but there is also a nagging voice deep within that is making me feel otherwise. I’m unclear as to why.  I want to know more about the nebulous doubts within me.  But I guess that sums up how most of us feel about this complex, amazing, scary game we play every day. And just like the daily interactions and split-second choices we make, we may never quite know why we made them or who may be affected, but the best we can do is learn to trust our own feet as we walk along.

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement." –Golda Meir

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” – Bilbo Baggins